Saturday, April 19, 2014

the hypnotist


Recently, I was at the chiropractor telling the masseuse about my experience getting an MRI.

"I freaked out. We tried three times and I just couldn't handle it."

"Why?"

"I don't like anything touching my face. I didn't realize it until I had an MRI, but I guess I'm really, really claustrophobic. At the end I asked for the Valium but the tech said I was freaked out and it wouldn't work. So I had to come back in, with an incredibly supportive friend who was kind enough to stand there, hold my hand, and talk me through the whole thing. With the Valium and her being there, I was fine."

"Maybe you just have a phobia about doctors."

"I told my doctor I have white coat syndrome."

"What did she say?"

"She asked me how I learned about it and I told her, I read it on the Internet and I know I have it, because my blood pressure goes up when I visit her."

"What did she say then?"

"She told me I don't have white coat syndrome, what I have is a flair for drama."

"Maybe you should try hypnosis?"

"I did go to a hypnotist once. He had a sign in the yard so I went up and knocked on his door. He let me in, talked to me for a few minutes, and then took me down to the basement, had me lie on a chaise and turned off all the lights."

"You. Went. Into. His. House. And went down to the basement? With the lights off and laid on a couch?"

"Look, he had a sign in his yard. Obviously he was a professional."

"Obviously. So what happened then?"

"A bunch of strobe lights started going off and he stood over me with this spinning wheel that flashed black and white. After that, I don't remember anything but then an hour was up and it was over."

"You went to his house, went into his basement, don't remember anything for the next hour and now you don't like anything near your face. Was there anything else?"

"I paid him."