the elimination
So dear readers, I wrote about the craigslist experiment a couple of weeks ago and I’ve barely had time to catch my breath since. I still have lots to tell you but for now, I want to write about the elimination process; to share my experience in case you’re thinking about putting up your own personal ad.
The sorting process for the responses to the ad has been interesting. Because how do you choose? And you have to start the selection process pretty quickly if you plan to a. keep working b. have any sort of life outside of checking email and 3. ever go out on any dates.
Here’s a little about how I (tried to) pare down the responses:
Men who sent me an email saying, you didn't say what you're looking for, were deleted. I did say what I was looking for. But I talked about common interests, qualities I like and values instead of height or age or whatever. For the people who didn't "get it," I didn't feel like explaining it to them.
Men who responded and sent me their own personal ad or a link to MySpace, Facebook, etc. Deleted. Not that this was such a bad thing to do, though as Annie and my sis pointed out, they didn’t put any thought into it. I deleted them because when I read the email that was clearly their personal ad (“I like walks on the beach, butterflies and poetry”) or read their online ad or profile, I didn’t see why they were contacting me. I didn’t feel it.
Men who didn’t send a photo were deleted. I asked for a photo and my thinking was, for all of the people who didn’t send one, many people did, often saying, this is a terrible photo of me. But they still sent one. It seemed only fair to delete the rest of them. Also, and this is important, because everyone on craigslist personals complains about spammers, I think that many of the people who responded without a photo were spammers. Clever spammers who said they wanted to see if I was a scam before they sent a photo. I just have a feeling about it.
Men who quite obviously didn’t read my ad at all or only honed in on one aspect of it, one line, etc. Deleted.
Some people were from out of state. I deleted them just for expediency's sake. I understand, there’s a romantic aspect to dating someone who is far away. But there’s also a “you're far away and I bet you can save me and also you don’t know about all of my flaws” aspect to it that I didn’t like. Deleted.
Some were from out of state and said they frequently travelled to Portland. Those were suspect and deleted. Some were just a one liner and some included photos of half-naked men. Deleted. Deleted.
The people who responded apparently just to tell me we had nothing in common. Quotes from the bible, and others who were offended by something that I wrote. Deleted, deleted, deleted.
Spammers that were clearly spammers, “Hey I like you you look good hit me up” there were only a blessed few and they were deleted.
The hard part came in reading the rest of the responses. And then I just worked off instinct. Dear readers, it's been really hard. Everyone seems nice, funny, interesting and attractive. How do I know who I am going to have chemistry with?
I’ve been on a few dates. Have been trying to set up a few more. Tricky because of my travel, their travel, but I’m trying to take a Taoist approach to dating: whatever happens, will happen.
And the dates I have been on have been nice. Really interesting, dynamic, nice people. I can’t tell you too much about them, because it’s none of your business. That’s private. But I will say, I’m still feeling good about the experience.
~ More later.
The sorting process for the responses to the ad has been interesting. Because how do you choose? And you have to start the selection process pretty quickly if you plan to a. keep working b. have any sort of life outside of checking email and 3. ever go out on any dates.
Here’s a little about how I (tried to) pare down the responses:
Men who sent me an email saying, you didn't say what you're looking for, were deleted. I did say what I was looking for. But I talked about common interests, qualities I like and values instead of height or age or whatever. For the people who didn't "get it," I didn't feel like explaining it to them.
Men who responded and sent me their own personal ad or a link to MySpace, Facebook, etc. Deleted. Not that this was such a bad thing to do, though as Annie and my sis pointed out, they didn’t put any thought into it. I deleted them because when I read the email that was clearly their personal ad (“I like walks on the beach, butterflies and poetry”) or read their online ad or profile, I didn’t see why they were contacting me. I didn’t feel it.
Men who didn’t send a photo were deleted. I asked for a photo and my thinking was, for all of the people who didn’t send one, many people did, often saying, this is a terrible photo of me. But they still sent one. It seemed only fair to delete the rest of them. Also, and this is important, because everyone on craigslist personals complains about spammers, I think that many of the people who responded without a photo were spammers. Clever spammers who said they wanted to see if I was a scam before they sent a photo. I just have a feeling about it.
Men who quite obviously didn’t read my ad at all or only honed in on one aspect of it, one line, etc. Deleted.
Some people were from out of state. I deleted them just for expediency's sake. I understand, there’s a romantic aspect to dating someone who is far away. But there’s also a “you're far away and I bet you can save me and also you don’t know about all of my flaws” aspect to it that I didn’t like. Deleted.
Some were from out of state and said they frequently travelled to Portland. Those were suspect and deleted. Some were just a one liner and some included photos of half-naked men. Deleted. Deleted.
The people who responded apparently just to tell me we had nothing in common. Quotes from the bible, and others who were offended by something that I wrote. Deleted, deleted, deleted.
Spammers that were clearly spammers, “Hey I like you you look good hit me up” there were only a blessed few and they were deleted.
The hard part came in reading the rest of the responses. And then I just worked off instinct. Dear readers, it's been really hard. Everyone seems nice, funny, interesting and attractive. How do I know who I am going to have chemistry with?
I’ve been on a few dates. Have been trying to set up a few more. Tricky because of my travel, their travel, but I’m trying to take a Taoist approach to dating: whatever happens, will happen.
And the dates I have been on have been nice. Really interesting, dynamic, nice people. I can’t tell you too much about them, because it’s none of your business. That’s private. But I will say, I’m still feeling good about the experience.
~ More later.
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