the competition

When I was young, the youngest of 8, we didn't always have money for everything we wanted. It was:

• Camping, instead of cruises;
• Hand me downs, instead of new clothes;
• Homemade clothes instead of store-bought;
• Saltwater sandals instead of Barbie sneaks (the last one wasn't economical; the leather sandals cost more than the discount shoes. This was just my mom's way of making sure I looked different from the pack.)
  
  

I never felt the pinch. I was more than happy with Twinkies bought in bulk and frozen to stay fresh; cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream at Woolworth's; and my brother's old Levi's, rugby shirts and vintage Mad magazines.

There's more pressure on families today. Young families worry if they are buying enough of everything for their kids. Go deeply into debt buying the latest games, clothes and toys for their children. Buy bigger houses, better cars and more adult toys, too, to make sure they stay on top. But where does it all end?

As I got older, a series of events occurred that allowed a lot of changes in my life. Nicer restaurants. New clothes. Cars when I was old enough to drive. Obviously, this was a welcome change. but I never learned how to properly balance a checkbook, save money for a rainy day or even do simple mathematic equations. If I had to work my way through high school, would things have been different?

I was greatly inspired by Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. The book pits man's creative instincts and individuality against the herd, and the powerful human spirit triumphs in the end. But there are aspects of Rand's writing that I don't accept as willingly. Aggressive capitalism and "winning" have never sat well with me.

I don't think you can compete with other people and ever really win. There's always someone who's smarter than you. More successful than you. Better looking than you. You shouldn't try to compete with other people. Finding inner peace. that's the real challenge. Accepting your flaws. Trying not to be so hard on yourself. Living your life by example. Allowing other people to warm themselves in your happy glow.

I've come a long way to self acceptance. It's an ongoing journey. A roller coaster ride of ups and downs. But I'm fortunate to have a loving family and an ever-widening group of friends who really care. I make mistakes. I do things the wrong way. I don't have that filter between my brain and my mouth that properly censors everything that I say. But the people who are most special to me wouldn't have it any other way. They've proven this to me time and time again since I became self employed. They don't care if I win. They think I've already won. Just by being me.

Because… even if you did win. If you had the best house on the street. The most expensive car. The biggest boat in the driveway. Would it ever be enough? Would it make you happier with you and your place in the world? I'm guessing no.

Or hell. maybe that's just the little lie I tell myself to be happy. So far, it's working. ~