soulmates

Do you believe in soulmates?

I used to. But I’m starting to realize, they might not exist. An outdated concept that only looks real in John Cusack movies. Something we were told from a young age to watch out for. To live for. Something that just isn’t real.

Recently, I got an email (in the middle of the night) from an ex-boyfriend- from high school! He’s now divorced. His sister, also a good friend from school, is in the process of a divorce. They both married their high school or post-high school sweethearts. And lately, it seems like everyone I come in contact with is divorced, in the middle of a divorce, or is unhappy with their choice and plans to divorce in the near future.

So, were all of these people wrong about their soulmates? Did they make the wrong choice in a life partner? Or did they find their soulmates, and due to circumstances beyond their control, lose them? Is that possible? Because it seems pretty cruel to be allowed, to have that privilege, of finding the right one, only to have to let them go.

And more importantly, how do you know when you’ve found your soulmate? What makes you say, My God… She’s the One. I’ve been waiting for Him for my whole life. How do you know?

I’ve met people and experienced intense connections with them. Thinking, this is amazing… There’s no one else like him in the whole world. And how lucky I am to have met him. Finally, someone who "gets" me. And because I believe everything happens for a reason, I think, we were meant to meet.

I felt happy, excited about what might happen. Only to be let down. Find out they’re fallible. Not strong. Not even particularly trustworthy, when it comes to entrusting them with my feelings. They weren’t the great men I thought them to be. Is this just poor judgment? Or did I really find a soulmate, but the timing was wrong? Does that happen? Because it seems really unfair.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not finding amazing, soulmate prospects under every stone I turn. It’s only happened a few times. And each time seems to cancel out the time before. Made me realize, what I had thought was a connection, wasn’t a connection, but more likely just caring deeply about another being. And so that’s where I always come back to the question: how do you know?

My sisters and sisters in law have told me in the past that “you just haven’t met the right person, Lisa. When you do, you’ll know.” But I thought I knew. So what does that mean? I’d like to think that I’m a good judge of character. In fact, I’m known for that. Understanding things about people. Seeing them for what they are. The Observer. So how could I have been so wrong about something that’s so important?

I do know some very dynamic, very happily married couples. Many of them are in my own family. They have a lot of ups and downs, but there’s no talk of divorce, unhappiness or infidelity. There’s very little talk about soulmates either, but that doesn’t seem to bother them.

But it seems harder and harder to believe in the institution of marriage. I talked about this with a close male friend yesterday and we both pondered that inevitable question: why do it at all? So many people seem to end up unhappy or divorced. It hardly seems worth the effort.

But then I look at my family, and I think I might understand it after all.

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