Friday, November 9, 2007

the jonah week

All week long, I’ve been making people mad. An ex-lover. A friend. An out of town client. My crush. Every. Single. Day. I’ve aggravated someone. It’s nothing intentional. It’s just that something about me this week really pisses people off.

Hell. I’m even annoying myself. I cringe when I think about this week’s mish-mash of confusing phone calls, emails and voicemails. It’s all gone jonah, and I wish I could take a lot of it back. Rewind. But I can’t. Unfortunately.

Last night I went out with Anna, high-powered VP and sweet, home-grown local girl. I adore Anna. She’s just so easy to be with. No stress, no recriminations. No jealousy or anger. Just a really nice, unassuming person. I told her that and for the first time all week, I got some really nice compliments in return.

But friendships aren’t always so easy. Sometimes they go jonah, and then you have to make some decisions.

A dear friend recently had a falling out with another friend. And as sometimes happens, everything wildly escalated, quickly getting out of control. Why? Because the two people involved are both right. At least, they each think that they have the right reason for being upset with each other. And no one will back down.

And two other friends recently had their own issues with friends not paying for their part of a vacation. In one case, the expense was fairly costly; in the other case it was just a few bucks, really. But the result was the same: hurt, offended people who feel like the non-payers owe them. My advice? Let it go.

You won’t get the money. Or if you do, by the time you do, your friendship will be wrecked, anyway. It’s not worth it, if you want to keep the friendship. If you don’t care about the friend, and just want the money (not true in either case), then by all means, hound them like the dogs of hell until you get paid. But, otherwise, eh.

Sometimes, when you have a fight with a friend, you just have to apologize. It’s critical, I think, especially when you want to keep the friendship. If you care about someone and respect someone, and you think you hurt their feelings, you should always say you’re sorry. Even if they started it; even if you’re not sure that you did anything wrong. And a fake apology won’t cut it, either. You have to mean it.

And sometimes, you have to let stuff go. Money, especially, has ruined many a relationship. It’s not worth it. That money has no worth at all, in fact. Not when it’s counted against the cost of a failed friendship.

On the many occasions when I’ve apologized, and not been sure that I was in the wrong, it still felt right. It felt righter than if I’d stuck to my guns, stubbornly refusing to work things out.

I’m not going to worry anymore about the people who are mad at me. They’ll come around, or they won’t. I’ve done my part, and tried to make amends.

Hopefully, they’ll find some resolution and we can move on. Separately. Or together.