I have a lot of friends who are artists. I don’t know any successful artists. The artists I know are all universally broke.

My artist-friends go to every art opening. In fact, if you go to an art opening and it’s crowded, I’m willing to bet that 50% of the people there- or more- are local artists. They don’t go to support a new entrant into the art world. They don’t go to increase their knowledge about art. Mostly, they go for the free food.

Typical conversation with an artist:

“So, how was the opening?”

“It was amazing!”

“Her new stuff looks good, huh?”

“Oh… I don’t know. But they had wine! Red and white!”

The success-or-failure- of any art opening in Northern Kentucky and greater Cincinnati seems based solely on the quality of food served and whether or not there was an open bar.

Because I want to support my friends’ efforts, and hell, get a snack, I often go to art openings. Where, inevitably, I meet a lot of local artists. The typical artists that I come across at an opening seem to fall into a few different categories: uber-artists, deadbeats and soccer moms.

The uber-artists are the artists that appear to be making some money off of their work. They actually have patrons. And ponytails. They like “world music” (whatever the hell that is) and discussions with them always leave me feeling… Slightly insulted. Like I’ve been one-upped but don’t know how, exactly.

The deadbeats are more along the lines of my friends. They’ll show up to an opening of an envelope if they know they’ll be able to eat. They’re younger, hipper and moody as hell.

The soccer moms paint but they aren’t very art-y. I bought a couple of paintings from a soccer mom artist at Duveneck a few years ago. When I started asking her questions about her work, she didn’t have a clue. Just painted subjects or used certain mediums because she felt like it. Funny. They use the most expensive frames for their work, though. I love my soccer mom art.

Get to the last Final Friday before the holidays at the Pendleton Art Center on November 30. If you're showing art or know of any galleries in Northern Kentucky or greater Cincinnati doing something special for holiday shoppers, feel free to post a comment here.