giving up the ghost
When you’re starting out in a new relationship, there can be a number of hurdles to overcome. You’re a night person; he’s up and at ‘em at 7 a.m. You like to go camping and hiking; he’d prefer the big boat expo.
But what do you when you discover that your new crush can’t stop talking about his ex?
Finding out that the person you’re dating still has feelings for their old lover is really hard. And if they’re talking about them in front of you (whether it’s good or bad), you have to ask yourself if that’s what’s really going on. I’ve been in this situation before. And I could tell, the guy really wanted to move on. Wanted to transfer those old feelings to me. But her name was brought up just once too often.
That is to say, he brought up her name more than once.
Because if your crush continues to brings up “her” name, or generally starts talking about his “ex” on more than one occasion, she’s definitely on his mind. In fact, attempts to depersonalize the ex by calling her “the ex” (or something even less flattering) are almost harder to bear; you both know who you are talking about, without saying her name. Because she’s a part of your relationship now.
It’s a relationship ghost that just won’t go away.
Trying to move forward in a relationship that’s haunted by old ghosts is hard. If not impossible. Especially if you suspect that your lover still has feelings for this person from their past.
I don’t mean that people shouldn’t be “allowed” to discuss their old relationships. They definitely should do that. It’s like a rite of passage before you can fall in love. But once you’ve had that discussion, it doesn’t need to come up again.
It’s not at all uncommon to find and fall in love with someone who has kids with someone else or who has been divorced. It’s almost inevitable and it shouldn’t be a problem in a new relationship. Complaints about when someone was supposed to pick someone up or how they were late with alimony payments are commonplace. In many ways, it’s almost like a business partnership that went awry.
But continuing to talk about someone, outside of “business,” may indicate that there are darker forces at work. A haunted lover, who ruminates endlessly about what their ex is thinking, or why they make certain life choices, is not something that you should have to take on.
An exorcism, or maybe a sexorcism, is definitely in order when you’re battling the ghost of relationships past. I think the best way to handle this situation is to face the ghosts head-on, and to ask outright if they still have feelings for their ex. The best time to ask this question is immediately following any sort of harangue about the ex. Because you don’t have to say much. They’ve already said it all. A conscientious lover, who wants to move on, will understand, to move on, they have to let go.
They have to give up the ghost.
But what do you when you discover that your new crush can’t stop talking about his ex?
Finding out that the person you’re dating still has feelings for their old lover is really hard. And if they’re talking about them in front of you (whether it’s good or bad), you have to ask yourself if that’s what’s really going on. I’ve been in this situation before. And I could tell, the guy really wanted to move on. Wanted to transfer those old feelings to me. But her name was brought up just once too often.
That is to say, he brought up her name more than once.
Because if your crush continues to brings up “her” name, or generally starts talking about his “ex” on more than one occasion, she’s definitely on his mind. In fact, attempts to depersonalize the ex by calling her “the ex” (or something even less flattering) are almost harder to bear; you both know who you are talking about, without saying her name. Because she’s a part of your relationship now.
It’s a relationship ghost that just won’t go away.
Trying to move forward in a relationship that’s haunted by old ghosts is hard. If not impossible. Especially if you suspect that your lover still has feelings for this person from their past.
I don’t mean that people shouldn’t be “allowed” to discuss their old relationships. They definitely should do that. It’s like a rite of passage before you can fall in love. But once you’ve had that discussion, it doesn’t need to come up again.
It’s not at all uncommon to find and fall in love with someone who has kids with someone else or who has been divorced. It’s almost inevitable and it shouldn’t be a problem in a new relationship. Complaints about when someone was supposed to pick someone up or how they were late with alimony payments are commonplace. In many ways, it’s almost like a business partnership that went awry.
But continuing to talk about someone, outside of “business,” may indicate that there are darker forces at work. A haunted lover, who ruminates endlessly about what their ex is thinking, or why they make certain life choices, is not something that you should have to take on.
An exorcism, or maybe a sexorcism, is definitely in order when you’re battling the ghost of relationships past. I think the best way to handle this situation is to face the ghosts head-on, and to ask outright if they still have feelings for their ex. The best time to ask this question is immediately following any sort of harangue about the ex. Because you don’t have to say much. They’ve already said it all. A conscientious lover, who wants to move on, will understand, to move on, they have to let go.
They have to give up the ghost.
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