laughing on the inside
From time to time there are things that are happening in my life that I would love to talk about here. But sometimes, the things I would like to share the most are also the things that have the highest possibility of harming other people. And sometimes, I can’t share things here because I haven’t told anyone else. Not a dear friend, not a beloved family member. The residual pain that talking about it would cause wouldn’t help them. Wouldn’t help me. So what’s the point?
I have no qualms about supporting my many friends who have decided to get sober, get into therapy and get on medication. I think everyone has to be responsible for themselves and has to do what’s right for their personal situations. And it’s not up to me to tell them otherwise. I’m not medically, clinically or otherwise endowed enough to tell them anything different.
And I don’t feel a strong need to get into therapy. Get sober, stop taking pills or start taking pills, attend a meeting or anything else. For the most part, I’m doing just fine.
But every once in a while, when everything starts piling up; when things come to a head; when I feel like I’m going to take my scanner and shove it in the microwave and turn it on “broil,” I have to wonder what the rest of us are supposed to do. Those of us who don’t have a prescription, an appointment or a “group.”
And I do have friends. I have amazing friends. Heart friends, the kind that would bail you out of jail and never ask why you were in. Friends that I can tell… just about anything to. I adore my family, too. But there are some things I can’t talk about. With any of them. For some of it, the pain goes too deep, and the rest of it, well, I can’t imagine telling them because it will just make them hurt, too. Or worry about me, which is infinitely worse.
I always think that it’s funny, when people tell me “Woah… You really put it all out there.” Because I don’t. I really don’t. You think you know me? You have no idea.
I’ve always promised to be honest with you, and I try. I really try. About the one thing I ever try to do really well is to just tell the truth. But there are some things you’ll never read about. Some matters will be kept to myself.
Because if I don’t talk about the things that matter with the people that I love most, how can I talk about them with you?
I have no qualms about supporting my many friends who have decided to get sober, get into therapy and get on medication. I think everyone has to be responsible for themselves and has to do what’s right for their personal situations. And it’s not up to me to tell them otherwise. I’m not medically, clinically or otherwise endowed enough to tell them anything different.
And I don’t feel a strong need to get into therapy. Get sober, stop taking pills or start taking pills, attend a meeting or anything else. For the most part, I’m doing just fine.
But every once in a while, when everything starts piling up; when things come to a head; when I feel like I’m going to take my scanner and shove it in the microwave and turn it on “broil,” I have to wonder what the rest of us are supposed to do. Those of us who don’t have a prescription, an appointment or a “group.”
And I do have friends. I have amazing friends. Heart friends, the kind that would bail you out of jail and never ask why you were in. Friends that I can tell… just about anything to. I adore my family, too. But there are some things I can’t talk about. With any of them. For some of it, the pain goes too deep, and the rest of it, well, I can’t imagine telling them because it will just make them hurt, too. Or worry about me, which is infinitely worse.
I always think that it’s funny, when people tell me “Woah… You really put it all out there.” Because I don’t. I really don’t. You think you know me? You have no idea.
I’ve always promised to be honest with you, and I try. I really try. About the one thing I ever try to do really well is to just tell the truth. But there are some things you’ll never read about. Some matters will be kept to myself.
Because if I don’t talk about the things that matter with the people that I love most, how can I talk about them with you?
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