Saturday, February 13, 2010

letting go

For a long time, I had a lot of stored-up anger. It was directed at a lot of different people and for good reason; all of them had wronged me, in a number of inexplicable ways. With some of them, the wrongs kept coming, and I let the hurt keep growing over the years.

But then I realized. A lot of my anger was really meant for me. I was mad at myself. I allowed those people to affect me, when I should have just ignored them.

I understand a lot of other things now, too.

I know that most people are not stupid; but they are sometimes lazy. Complacent. People fear the unknown and don’t particularly cotton to a challenge, either. If you show them that you are fearless, they may resent you for it even while claiming to admire you. This was a hard lesson to learn.

And it used to really, really hurt me.

I understand that some people are jealous when they see someone who is happy. These days, when I feel someone trying to pull me down, take the stars from my eyes or generally bring me back down to earth, I laugh it off.

I know now that when it’s time to step up, some people will inevitably be left behind. I found this out the hard way, again and again.

And I am still learning.

Over the last few years, I decided to change my life. I’ve taken all of the anger and resentment that I have felt over the years, and I’ve given it back. To its rightful owners, so they can continue to wallow in their unhappy lives.

I’m not going to compete for an affection that I don’t want or need anymore. I’ve moved forward and left the unwanted resentment behind.


I feel lighter already.