Saturday, October 27, 2012

the twin



My writing partner and I finished up our book in August. Maybe one fine day you’ll read it. I hope so.

I won’t tell you what it’s about just yet. I could tell you it’s racy. Filled with deception. Sexy. And all of those things are true. But it wasn’t that- it wasn’t that exactly that made me want to write the book. It was something else. Something that’s intrigued me for a long time, and something that might appeal to you, too.

You might even recognize yourself in the context of this story.

Duality. The idea that all of us, somehow, someway, have two sides to ourselves.

We have the upstanding, dinner-on-the-table side, the side that the world sees, the side that our families see and the side of us that most people would use to describe us. “He’s a great dad.” “She’s a wonderful friend.”

But for some people, this side of their personalities just isn’t enough. They feel something.

Another side.

A darker side.

Some people (maybe me) call it the Pull.

If you feel the pull, there isn’t much that I can write here that you don’t already know. But if you don’t what I mean, I’ll try to explain. It’s the idea that all of us have a straight side, an upstanding side, and another side that’s just…different. Not so upstanding. It’s that feeling you get when you want to do something you know you shouldn’t be doing.

And then you have to decide what to do.

One of my psychic friends told me when she gets a message from the other side, it’s lit up like a neon sign across the person of interest. The pull works much the same way, but for me, the sign almost always spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. If you see the sign, and you don’t want to risk everything for the sake of the pull, then you’d do best to slow down.

Back away quickly.

Turn right around and go back the way you came.

Unless…Unless. Unless.

You find something you need there. If you can’t deny the pull, maybe you’re not supposed to deny it. And many people don’t deny themselves.

Some people don’t deny themselves anything.

And isn’t strange, how the twins find each other? When you think of all the people in the world, and all the things we might otherwise be doing, it’s kind of amazing that you’d find your twin somewhere where you’d least expect it.

Although maybe it’s not so strange. If we do all have that duality.

And the people who can lose the most are the ones who haven’t fully realized their own duality. Who haven’t realized if they go down this path, they might lose everything.

I think it’s innate, this twinning. Some people were born with the pull. Others lead happy, sunny lives without ever once feeling a darker need. Or maybe they’re just fooling themselves. Denying that this thing exists inside of them, even as they coach little league, set the table or give a speech at a fundraiser. They feel the pull but they refuse to let it get in their way.

That’s smart.

That’s probably the best thing you can do for the sake of your livelihood, your family, for all of the things that matter to you the most. Ignore the pull.

If you can.