the self-rule

It's always been really important for me to maintain my independence. Even when (especially when), I am in a relationship. That means a lot of different things but I can sort of sum it up by explaining, no big jewelry for gifts, vacations are fine as long as I pay my own airfare (or otherwise kick in for the tab) and of course, keeping a separate residence.

I always worried, if I didn’t stick to all of these strongholds of independence, these self-imposed rules, that I would lose something. That I might somehow forget myself. I also know that giving up my independence will ultimately result in some sort of letdown. Nothing lasts forever.

And if I give you everything I have, where will I be when you’re gone?

I have never needed someone to prop me up. Never dated just for the sake of dating. In fact, I resent that whole idea and have always eschewed it in favor of being alone. Sometimes I am in a relationship. Sometimes I am not. Either way, I’m happy.

I’ve always been fine on my own.

But sometimes, I think that idea, of maintaining my independence, might be to my detriment. I could have compromised more. Taken more chances on love. Maybe I should have set my pride aside and allowed myself to just accept being part of a couple. Maybe then, things might have worked out differently.

Maybe.